that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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