Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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