i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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