So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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