i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
