I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
