id be glad to
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
