But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
