I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
