Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
