i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
