She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
