hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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