my mouth tastes like poor choices
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize