true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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