He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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