If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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