I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
please come you make the beer taste better
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
