Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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