If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Rumble strips road head = magical
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
