i think my tv is drunk
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
that may or may not have been my penis.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
