I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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