Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
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I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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