the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
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Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
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Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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