Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
