he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
