My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
