Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
