Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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