Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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