Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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