also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My pussy is not your playground.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
