I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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