i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
