just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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