i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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