guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
