I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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