During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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