She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
