ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
