dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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