Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
