We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
