guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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