Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
