i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
