Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
