I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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