i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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