I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
only you would photoshop your dick
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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