A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
