I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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