his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
