Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
