rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
