i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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