this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
